Sunday, November 25, 2007

From Dadagiri to Gandhigiri

I finally managed to see the movie Lage Raho Munna Bhai. A great movie with an excellent mix of humour and sentiment. On top of all this the film has a message! In fact it has been a long time since I last watched a Hindi movie till the climax.

Munna’s transition from Dadagiri in the first movie to Gandhigiri in the sequel has been handled very well by the director. Some Innovative ideas like Munna sending flowers to Lucky have been combined with some interesting sequences where Munna advices the common people on Gandhigiri through FM radio.

The movie has a message that Gandhism still is relevant and works magic. The movie has infact caught the attention of so many people all over the world. There have been several Munna style protests all over the world and so much talks on Gandhigiri.

The Prime Minister of India, Dr. Manmohan Singh, has said, "I was heartened to see recently that back home in India the most popular movie this festival season is a film about a young man's discovery of the universal and timeless relevance of the Mahatma's message.

To me it was a good movie with a message that made me think about Gandhi’s ideals. It was really surprised to see so much material on Munnabhai and Gandhigiri when I searched wikipedia. Does this reflect the power of Wikipedia or Gandhigiri? I would say both.

Coming back to whether Gandhigiri works or not, I would say it is up to you to try out. My only advice is to make sure your enemies, competitors or customers don’t know about your experiment :-)

The Ten Avatars

Logging into Blogger after quite some time though I did reflect on a lot of things during the time in between :-)

I was over to one of my relatives house accompanying my wife (as a chaffeur) for Navarathiri. I happened to see the Dasvatharam Bommais (Mini Idols of the ten incarnations of Vishnu). I was gazing at them for quite some time and to me the ten incarnations seemed to have a deeper meaning.

Though the Gita says that Vishnu takes an avatar whenever there is a threat to dharma, to me they seem to have a close link with several stages in the evolution of the universe, the evolution of mankind. What a nice way of building stories around each stage and carrying it forward over generations? Our ancestors seem to have been way ahead scientifically when other races were roaming around as savages. We seem to have lost our way somewhere and wasted time and money in pompousness, thanks to some foolish kings in between.

Here are the Ten avatars

Matsya - Lord Vishnu as a fish
Koorma- Lord Vishnu as a tortoise
Varaha- Lord Vishnu as a Boar
Narasimha-Lord Vishnu with the face of a lion and body of a man
Vamana- Lord Vishnu as Vamana. Primitive Man, very short
Parasurama - Lord Vishnu in human form with an axe as his weapon. Stone age?
Rama - Lord Vishnu in human form with bow and arrow as his weapon.Balarama - Lord Vishnu in human form with plough as weapon. Advent of agriculture.
Krishna – Lord Vishnu with Chakra a fully metal weapon. Early Bronze age
Kalki – Lord Vishnu with the face of a horse. This is yet to happen as per Hindu mythology but what scares me is that it indicates that we are going back from human form to an animal form.

As is evident, after Krishna comes a big gap given that Kalki is yet to happen. That is when the Industrial revolution happened in other parts and India was blissfully ignorant of what was happening elsewhere.

I am not that good at history, so some of my interpretations might be wrong but I still feel the avatars are a way of depicting the evolution of mankind. What do you think?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

We have no fear ..

Another translation. This one is the song "Achamillai Achamillai" by Subramanya Bharathy

We have no fear, We have no fear
We know not of that thing called fear

We might be against the whole world
We might be cast like dust and dismissed
We might be made to beg for food
We might be losing everything we cherish but

We have no fear, We have no fear
We know not of that thing called fear

The heavens above might crash
The heavens above might crash and
Crush us in all their fury but
We would still have no fear

We have no fear, We have no fear
We know not of that thing called fear!

The Band in the Titanic

I am sure you must have seen the movie or read about “The Titanic”. Did you notice the role of the music band in the titanic towards the end of the movie?

I lead a big Programme as part of my work. A programme consisting of multiple components but all working towards a common goal (atleast they are supposed to). Quite often I find my teams totally lost in day to day delivery pressures and myself struggling to bring them out of that. There is absolute chaos all over the place.

The major problem I face is that there is not enough collaboration between teams as required, people left to themselves are happy operating in individual silos and view the other teams as competitors. My major worry is that people are not ready to look at the bigger picture, pressurised by and used to traditional working models and are finally not focused on the value delivered collectively.

I am not blaming my team. I understand what they are going through and I myself am struggling to find out of ways of getting them to come out and focus on better things. I am trying to cut across barriers and send these messages day in and day out to the team with the hope that some of them will get inspired and step out of the well. It is not that I am fully satisfied with my approach. I am still refining it and learning every day. I myself am pressurised by mundane things so many time. It is my reflection on this and the strange thought of the band in the Titanic that I wanted to share.

I would fancy calling myself the captain of the ship but quite often I find myself in a strange situation. I liken myself to the band in the titanic, playing non stop when people are running all over the place, unmindful of whether anyone is hearing or not but with the hope that the music is helping someone somewhere in the crowd.

Whether I am the captain or the band it doesn’t matter as long as my ship doesn’t sink and it reaches the destination. I am sure it will.

New working model for the new age

I have found that I am at my creative best on Saturdays and Sundays. Now don’t ask me how creative I am. That is definitely a debatable topic and we can take that up sometime later. That is why I chose my words carefully.

I have observed over the past year or so that I get most of my new ideas during the weekends. I am talking about ideas related to my work. I take necessary action through emails immediately but I get lost in mundane affairs (thanks to official pressures) during the week and by the time I am reminded of my ideas I find myself in the next weekend again. Maybe it’s the relaxed and informal environment at home which helps unleash my creativity. I really feel that I do a lot more productive work from home over the weekends even if I spend a few hours compared to what I do in office in a whole week.

All enterprises today talk a lot about innovation and drive their employees to innovate but based on my experience I have never seen anything materialize. Is talking about innovation or setting targets related to innovation alone enough? I think we have had enough of this. Enterprises should focus on creating a conducive environment to foster innovation. Maybe the formal environments in today’s offices need a change.

Atleast on Monday mornings I find myself in the same situation as Swami in R.K. Narayan’s famous “Swami and Friends”. I find myself always reluctant to open my eyes and I shudder at the very thought of that dismal grey building in glass and steel called office. I am sure many of you find yourself in the same situation.

Working from home as a concept has never taken off atleast in India. I think that should be encouraged. Based on my experience that I have cited above I am sure it will be beneficial to both Organisations and the individuals. The new age is all about trust and collaboration. We don’t need the age old methods of running organizations anymore. We don’t need physical presence of people to catch them and beat them up when there is an issue.

I also feel that the collaboration mechanisms we have in place today are grossly inadequate. The major collaboration mechanism that we have at present is meetings (F2F or telecons), email and IM (to some extent). While IM is informal to extent, I have never seen people expressing themselves freely in these forums. Where there is fear, there can never be innovation. I think Enterprise should adopt the new wave of communication largely based on Open source like Blogging, Wikis and Social networking. I have a feeling that these bring the best out of people. These mechanisms might help people over come their reservations and cut across organisational barriers and unleash their creative energies!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Change is Good!

Hutch is now Vodafone! I am not sure if you have seen the ad. What a wonderful depiction of change! This is an ad that has been picturised beautifully.

The first ad that I remember announcing a change in name is that of Binaca becoming Cibaca. Most of you might not even know about Cibaca. I am not sure if the company or the toothpaste it used to sell exists today. It was a simple ad announcing a change in name but I still remember listening to it over a small Philips radio and seeing it in a black and white TV nearly two decades ago (as a small boy!). The ad did make an impact those days and there were many jokes and discussions around that.

We live in a technologically advanced age now and the Vodafone ad is definitely on a different plane. In short the new Vodafone ad is about a dog leaving its kennel briefly and coming back to see a new Kennel totally different in design and color, struggling to get in terms with the reality in front of it. I don’t know how they made the dog act so well.

Click the link to see the Video Hutch is now Vodafone

Change is something that happens very often in life. It is either your customer or a regulatory authority or your employer (or fate as some people call it) ,who is the reason. I don’t know about you, but I find myself quite often nowadays in a situation where my landscape has totally been changed by one of the above. A few years back, I used to struggle for months together to cope up with the change and then finally accept it. Nowadays I find that my turnaround time is quite less, mostly a week. Maybe I am getting old and becoming more mature or maybe I am staying young and keeping in touch with what is happening. What do you think?

I was talking about coping up with changes in professional life. I won’t blame the dog in the ad though. Imagine going for a walk and returning to find yourself in a new house painted red all over and more importantly having to live in it!

Anyway Change is definitely good. Interestingly that is what the Bhagavad Gita also says. "Whatever happens is always for the best!"

Sunday, October 7, 2007

A queer mixture of the East and West

“I have become a queer mixture of the East and the West, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere” said Jawaharlal Nehru.

I find myself in a similar situation, atleast partly. Thanks to the Western culture that has crept in majorly into our country, a lot of questions arise in the name of scientific thinking! Nehru felt out of place 60 years back because he was ahead of time but today I think this is common and atleast I don’t feel out of place now.

My daughter participated in a Bhagavad Gita recital competition recently and this turned my attention towards the Bhagavad Gita. The most important thing is that she won a prize and it was a pleasure watching the gleam in her eyes when she shared this news with me. Coming back to the Bhagavad gita, after some struggle going through some translations on the net, I finally managed to come across a simple translation in Tamil by Subramanya Bharathi. I really wonder why translations of great works are so complicated, whether it is the Gita or a Psychiatrist’s essay on dreams? Or is it my bad luck that I come across complicated translations always?

I was particularly impressed by the chapter on Karma Yoga in the Bhagavad Gita. The key message that impressed me was the stress on the need for action, the need for action to fulfill ones duties. Though the Gita stresses the need for a spiritual background to this in the chapters other than the one on Karma Yoga, as I read through the other chapters there were several questions that came up within me for which I did not have an answer.

I feel that the chapter on Karma yoga is still pertinent though the country has gone through several transformations over centuries. The thought that one can achieve salvation by just doing his duties is a total paradigm shift given that we always picturise yogis or sanyasis as people who have given up everything in life and roam around mostly in forests or mountains. More later on specific verses of the Gita in this chapter that impressed me.

An interesting question which came to mind as I read chapter 1 was , how could someone narrate this work running up to 18 chapters in a battle field when both sides were lined up and war was about to begin? To me chapters beyond the Karma yoga don’t seem to have relevance in the battle field and Chapter 3 should have been enough to convince Arjuna and get the war started. I have a feeling that Arjuna’s question in the battlefield triggered chapters upto Karma yoga and the other chapters were finished sometime later for a completeness sake. I don’t know if I sound like a non believer to you but this is the point I was alluding to at the beginning.

I am a queer mixture of the East and West but I still feel at home back home :-)

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Dream... Dream... Dream...

Dream … Dream … Dream
Dreams transform into thoughts
And thoughts result in actions …

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam travels all over India repeating this to the children he meets.

I was thinking till now that he was referring to dreaming with eyes open, about having a vision. I thought that this is different from the dreams one gets during sleep. The dreams that one has during sleep, I felt, were more related to the fears and disturbances that one has in day to day life. I now feel that I have found a different meaning and that both are related.

Read on. . Because dreams are very important and they give a lot of insight into the person that we are.

I recently came across the book “The Interpretation of dreams” which is a translation of Sigmund Freud’s acclaimed work on analysis of dreams. Interestingly I came across this book because over the past two months I got some slightly strange dreams which left me wondering whether I was undergoing a total change in character and I was wishing if I could find a way to interpret dreams!

After cutting through some psycho analytic jargons and some complicated sentence constructions I figured out what Freud was trying to say. The underlying thread behind Freud’s theory is that dreams are indeed a fulfillment of wishes. If these wishes are straight forward and backed by good intentions you will have a good dream. If the wishes are selfish and against someone (even indirectly) you end up having a bad dream or contorted dream. This is contrary to common belief (like what I had earlier) that dreams are due to external and internal stimuli or a manifestation of images that get embedded in one’s mind before he goes to sleep.

I was really intrigued by this approach and I personally feel that this idea is really ground breaking. When I analysed my recent dreams I could link them to Freud’s theory and interpret them as a wish that I had around the time I had those dreams. Dreams are very personal and can leave the person exposed but I will share with you two dreams I had recently.

The first one is straightforward. I dreamt that I was talking to a relative sitting in our old house and I suddenly noticed my mom sitting next to me. I was left speechless and I cried and cried holding her hand while she was comforting me with an assuring smile as if nothing had happened. This dream doesn’t need any explanation that it was a wish fulfilled. It has been two years since my mom passed away and I have missed her every moment.

Coming to the second one, this was strange. In this one I chased a fly which was bothering me all over my house and crushed it to death. This was the strange dream which really got me thinking whether I was undergoing a total character change and becoming ruthless. On some analysis I found that around that time I had this dream I was being tortured by someone who had come newly into my professional life. I had made some extreme remarks about him to my colleagues and team members. I had even said to others that this guy was biting me like a bug and should be killed. It was that wish that had got transformed into this dream. I eventually started focusing on other things and this person no longer means anything to me but I think he has really helped me learn a lot, this dreams theory being one.

I know that Psycho analytical theories might not really interest everyone but I really feel that dreams are important. Have a closer look at your dreams and that will help you learn more about yourself. However you don’t need to share your dreams with me :-)

If you have read this far, you might come back saying that you had a dream which was totally not related to any wish and you might be right. The answer to that from me would be that it was still triggered by a wish and the wish was to prove me wrong!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Heaven Vs Hell

I cooked up this joke for my team. Inspiration was a Khushwant Singh joke on lawyers that I had read sometime back but I customized it for the scenario my team is used to.

God wanted to build a completely new IT stack to replace all his legacy systems and he wanted it to be a SOA based architecture. He floated a tender and there was heavy competition between heaven and hell. Finally God decided to give it to both because being god he was anyway never going to pay anyone and this option gave him a choice. Though he gave the project to both he was expecting heaven to do a better job than hell.

So heaven and hell were given the task of delivering the architecture in seven 90 day cycles. Unfortunately God was too much in touch with the latest and he wanted the development to be done in a completely Agile manner. He wanted to be involved throughout the development and wanted a working demonstration of software at the
end of each cycle.

God scheduled regular standup calls with both heaven and hell. Contrary to his perception he found that during the standups hell was presenting a very good status and painting a rosy picture while the status given by heaven was not at all up to expectations. Standup after Standup passed and God’s concern on Heaven increased and confidence on Hell also rose immensely.

Then came the day! The first cycle was over and it was time for the demo. God wanted Hell to go first. He found to his total disbelief that the application developed by Hell was pathetic and no where near the requirements. God moved on to heaven and was really surprised to find that heaven had developed a wonderful application meeting all his expectations.

God did a deep dive and found out why his perceptions during the life cycle were different from reality and he found out that ……

Heaven was full of developers and Hell was full of Project Managers!

I was just trying to be funny and wanted the majority to laugh. I had no hidden messages, though some people came up with a few! Reflections or Observations? I leave it to you to decide. Don’t hesitate to share your reflections (or observations) :-)

What's in a name?

I was trying to arrive at a suitable name for my blog and I suddenly hit upon the name reflections. My intention was just to share my random musings on whatever I felt like. To present my thoughts as they occurred to me. I somehow liked this idea that I read somewhere some time which said “If you have a problem with someone or something repeatedly, take a peek at the mirror”. Reflections seemed a very apt name to me.

Little did I realize then that words could be interpreted in several ways!

I was just reading Sigmund Freud today and to my surprise he had a lot to say on reflections. Here goes Freud in his own simple language of a Psychiatrist!

The whole frame of mind of a man who is reflecting is totally different from that of a man who is observing his own psychical processes. In reflection there is one more psychical activity at work than the most attentive self observation. This is shown amongst other things by the tense looks and wrinkle forehead of a person pursuing his reflections as compared with the restful expression of a self observer. In both case attention must be concentrated but the man who is reflecting is also exercising his critical faculty; this leads him to reject some of the ideas that occur to him after perceiving them, to cut short other without opening the trains of thought that they would open up to him and …
Freud goes on for a few more sentences on this.

Well that was really a simple way of interpreting reflection. Thanks to Mr.Freud.

Now don’t start imagining me sitting in front of my computer with tense looks and wrinkled forehead. There are so many ways of interpreting things (even a word like reflections) and some of them can be so complex and lead you to something you never thought of or meant.

I shared my intentions at the beginning and believe me I am as cool as a cucumber as I write this, really relaxed.

Back to the question that triggered this. So what should I call my blog? Reflections or Observations? Well, I don’t believe in complicating things. I still like reflections even if that leads people to believe that I am being critical as I reflect and I don’t expect a big psychiatrist reader community for my blog anyway.

Quoting from someone who I know for sure is not a Physciatrist

After all What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Krishna nee begane baaro …

I just finished reading this article on Krishna

On a Sunday night almost half asleep I let my thoughts wander. What does Krishna really mean to me? I have been hearing about Krishna for more than 30 years now.

Did Krishna really exist? Was he really an incarnation of the Lord Vishnu? The Lord who came down to earth in human form to destroy the evil? I don’t know if I can justify any of the above but I don’t doubt the existence of Krishna. I am sure he was a historic figure who lived several years before the birth of Christ. I do believe there are several parts of the story about Krishna which could be true.

Krishna must have been a great ruler. A prince who led a simple life and was close to the masses. A very knowledgeable person who was able to understand the essence of the Yogas and Upanishads and present them in a simpler form, the Bhagavad Gita. I don’t want to get into an analysis on Krishna’s wives but then all rulers of India in those days had many wives and I believe numbers might have been blown out of proportions over years. Krishna must have been a man who personified goodness and a great warrior who stood against evil forces. After all as Kannadasan wrote in Tamil “Manidhan enbavan deivam aagalam” (A man can achieve divine status by his actions and become worthy of worship). So Why doubt Lord Krishna?

Keeping questions on his existence aside, One cannot but marvel at the magic of Krishna. His stories have fascinated people over centuries and inspired so many musicians and poets. Hinduism is a way of life and Krishna and the Bhagavad Gita cannot be separated from Hinduism. I am sure the Story of Krishna will continue to fascinate people and his name will exist as long as this world exists.

As a child the stories of Krishna were really close to my heart. According to me the most impressive thing about the story of Krishna is simplicity. Any common man can easily identify himself with the story of Krishna especially the early years where Krishna is depicted as a careless mischievous child who liked butter and playing pranks on people. I used to get a bit scared imagining Krishna killing Kalinga a five headed snake. Scared as I was of snakes, this meant some sleepless nights as a child but then a more mature reflection of this makes me look at Krishna as someone who had mastered his five senses and kept them under control. A part of the story which might have got distorted over years as the story of Krishna was passed on from generation to generation. How could one dance on a five headed snake?

At home, we do celebrate Krishna’s birthday every year and I lose myself in the special delicacies that are prepared in Krishna’s name. If Krishna had not killed Narakasura we wouldn’t have had Deepavali, the festival of lights, a festival of happiness that is close to my heart and brings to me fond memories of the happy days that I spent with my mom.

On a lighter note, I am not sure if Krishna built any dams but it might not be long before some politician starts questioning about Krishna’s existence and his educational background in the name of rational thinking (Pagutharivu). Read this, the earlier Avatar Rama has just been questioned

Krishna nee begane baaro … (Come soon Krishna) If possible with your certificates and other evidences to satisfy Indian politicians.

Oh fool brooding over thy past!

In a rare moment of inspiration, I translated a Tamil song by Subramanya Bharathi which starts with the words "Sendradhini meeladhu moodare", not word by word though! Don't get me wrong with the opening line if you just happened to be reflecting on your past.

Oh fool brooding over thy past!
Think not about the past for
What has gone is gone and
never will it return

Think you were born today
Live and enjoy every moment
Your sorrow will vanish and
never will it return

Pursuit of Something Deeper

I read the following (given in Italics) in one of the blogs that I visit frequently. It is supposed to be an excerpt from the Preface of the book How? by Dov Sideman. I still haven't bought that book but this touches upon something I have been thinking about for the past few days."What is the motivation for me to go to work every morning?" I don't want you to assume that I am indicating that it is some kind of Celestine Prophecy that made me come across this post. It is not that I am not a believer, it is just that I am not a great believer of prophecy!

Coming to what I wanted to say, How many of us will be able to give a clear answer to such a question? "What is the motivation for you to go to work every morning?" An answer with a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

At this point you are mostly thinking that I am either getting old or I have a lot of time at my disposal. I am not denying that, I am getting a lot more mature and most people link maturity to getting old. I don't blame you. I have a lot of time at my disposal now because I have managed to find time for what I want to do instead of doing what others want me to do.

On a serious note, I think this is something everyone should ponder about and try to relate success to something larger and deeper, something that gives a sense of fulfillment. If you are younger then that is all the more reason you do this now, because you have a longer time to define and achieve success!

A new vision of HOW requires a new way of embracing why we get up every morning and go to work. I believe the inspiration to do so lives in the thought that there is a difference between doing something so as to succeed and doing something and achieving success. I am in the business of helping companies and their people do the right things in the right way. The mission of my company is to help others and we make a living so doing. We do not help others so as to make a living. The latter speaks to a journey of intermediate gain and the former to a journey of significance, something of long-term value that makes not just money, but a difference. Significance lies in the ability to see one’s endeavours in terms of service to others, to be guided by a desire and ability to connect. In the vastly different conditions of our hypertransparent and hyperconnected world, I believe success can no longer be pursued directly, that it can best be achieved — and only achieved — through the pursuit of something larger and deeper.

A truly amazing person

When I wanted to start a blog, the first thing I wanted to write was something on my mom. She was the main source of inspiration in my life, she still is...

My mom was a truly amazing person. She had an unbelievable mix of good qualities, some of which I have seen in shades in some really good people I have known over years. In fact I should say everything about her was good. The best thing she did to me was the confidence that she instilled in me. I would have been nothing without her. Right from my childhood, she gave me the feeling that I was the most knowledgeable person, the best in everything, when she had so much within her.

The greatest thing about her was that she was there for me always, a shoulder to lean, eyes to cry for me (though not in front of me), heart to pray and a patient ear to listen. She was like the Sun, my source of energy and inspiration. She still is, it is just that she is not there with me physically at the moment, like the Sun is not visible to us at times!

It took me a few years to realize that my mom’s circle of influence was too big and it was not just me who was having such a great experience with a wonderful friend. She was encompassing the lives of everyone around her, in her own humble way. She was handling so many roles with ease and always had time for every relative and friend, anyone who needed her. I have seen her as a great mom, a caring wife, a loving daughter, a wonderful sister and an amazing friend. How could someone do all this?

She was a balanced person and seemed to have unending energy to carry on people around her. Sometimes I wonder what she did about her problems! I am sure she had her own worries on top of what others like me dumped on her but she never seemed to show them to anyone. Where did she draw her inspiration and energy from? Was she an angel or some kind of a fairy godmother, a blessing for her family and friends, someone sent to earth to just make people’s lives?

One thing I realized about her was that she never seemed to expect anything from anyone. In many ways she was like a child. She lived and enjoyed every moment. She would do everything to make someone feel good, not artificially though. She was genuine. I remember her holding my hand on Westminster Bridge and thanking me with tears for bringing her upto London, such a historic place where so many great people would have trodden in the past. Most people would have assumed it was the duty of their son to do that but not my mom. We both didn’t know then that it was the last trip we would go on, before cancer would taker her away from me.

I didn’t know much about cancer till my mom passed away. Not even when she was diagnosed of cancer or when she was fighting cancer did I know the seriousness of this disease. I never realised the struggle or the pain she was going through. That was my mom. She was dying and she knew it but she hid it behind her divine smile and kept assuring us that she was fine. Whatever I know about cancer today is only based on reflection, thinking back and running through what happened. To me, this phase clearly brought to fore her courage and determination. She fought cancer, went through several rounds of radiation and two rounds of chemotherapy and even when she had a recurrence she was still the same person. Not once did she cry or complain and only finally when she realized that we had come to know of the situation did she give up. She gave up life gracefully. She lived and died the same person. Cancer or death could not change her.

I always used to comment to her that her eyes kept moving too fast. I still clearly remember the last time I saw her eyes moving. I was starting for work on that dreadful Monday and she was lying on the bed. She seemed to be asleep and as I moved away her eyes opened. She realized that I was getting ready and moved her eyes slightly and bid me farewell. Little did I realize that it was farewell really. Maybe she knew it. When I came back an hour later, she was in total peace. She had given up her fight.

A few hours later, as I turned back after seeing her for the last time before fire would consume her remains, I was reminded of Wordsworth’s poem which I had read a few years back

Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss? - That thought's return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart's best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn,
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore

That heavenly smile can never be restored!